Dear girl in the coffeeshop this afternoon,
I’m so glad to know that your no-good cheating liar of a boyfriend, Matthew, got married to someone else while you were still dating. In fact, I’m sure everyone else here is thrilled to know your business.
It’s called an inside voice. Look into it.
ETA: 30 minutes later, she’s still at it. Loudly. Apparently, now he’s stalking her.